applying is the new working
Have you ever applied? I have. I'm trying to be open. With zen-like openness (ok maybe zen is a little far off) I say " I-do" to every "would you like to apply?" that's within my range. The job-hunt process is completely brain melting. It is however also highlighted by little golden treasures like these below...
The most ridiculous questions I have had to answer. IN. MY. LIFE.
1. Have you used crack, cocaine, or any other illegal narcotics?
a. never
b. I tried once
c. in the past 6 months
d. I use them regularly
WHAT?! Who on EARTH would admit their seedy crack habit on an employment quiz? I'm imagining some toothless junkie sitting in a shanty outside of Provo... filling out the same bubbles as I am. Twinsies.
2. Are you comfortable working around fur and pet dander?
I don't even want to talk about it... I said yes.
3. What is the value of all of the material (beyond basic office supplies) you have taken from your place of employment in the past year?
a. none- not applicable
b. under 5.00
c. under 50.00
d. over 50.00
What would happen if you said D? Would they report you to the police? Pencil you in for an interview and use it as an ice-breaker?
THEN. There are the (a) strongly agree (b) agree (c) not sure (d) disagree (e) strongly disagree... Brace your face.
When people don't share my point of view I get very angry.
I get in physical fights often.
If a customer is being difficult I would tell them to go somewhere else.
I get upset and stressed easily.
I am a very emotional person.
Lying to get ahead is OK with me.
If I think someone is wrong I usually tell them.
I always put myself before others.
Who are they trying to sift out with these subtle and oh so tricky q and a's? Who are the dregs of society that say "strongly agree?" I don't know.
But what can we do?
Just laugh it all off
and laugh hard to boot.
10 comments:
I'm trying to imagine to what job the appropriate answer to "I get into physical fights often" is yes. Applying to be a bouncer? Teaching karate?
Then one might be an excellent candidate.
This post was hilarious.
let me tell you a little something. applying for jobs is RIDICULOUS. Look up some temp agencies if you can. I mean it literally is a shit storm out there so please wear protective gear.
You should add this question for THEM to answer.
What do you think the probability is that if you don't give me this job I will come take a shit in your pillowcase?
a) would never happen
b) i'm afraid it might
c) i know you will defecate
d) i fear you so hence you will get the job
Maybe I should have asked the following questions of our applicants.
In a new invironment, do you often feel that you know more than those with more experience?
I call this the one-eyed man in a blind world syndrome.
Are you unable to attend work or other obligations on time and on a regular basis?
Are you in the habit of showing skin where underwear belong?
Do you offer advise with confidence in subjects for which you hold no knowledge?
Is playing chess while working an acceptable work ethic?
Are you planning on, or invested in the aquisition of tatoos and facial piercing?
Do you have a hard time understanding what belongs to you and what belongs to others?
Great post and love the shout out to the music store. I think I feel like you look today!
love
mom
Okay. hilarious. and so true! i mean who do these people think they're tricking into giving something away? i mean is someone going to accidentally mark strongly agree on it's okay to lie to get ahead in work? No. they will lie to get ahead in work. it's beaurocracy. Gay. a sufficient waste of time for both the applicant and the person recieving such application. Good luck!!!
Wow this is hilarious! I would like to meet the people who admitt to these things. Awesome post. :)
Bah ha, that is hilarious! I think you should work at a haunted house! I know it's seasonal, but honestly it was the funnest job that Randy and I have ever done!!!
I'm really in love with your mom's comment "Are you in the habit of showing skin where underwear belong?"
but now I'm a little confused because Megan spelled my name wrong.
YOU.CRACK.ME.UP.
Being in HR, you'd be sooo shocked at the answers we get to questions like this. You'd also be surprised to know that some people answer random questions like these on their resumes...oh the joys of reading resumes!
bobs that is so great I'm reminded of those blood bank questions like
Did you with someone who lived in europe between 1989 and 1991?
in my head I'm going well i was between 1 and 3 then but this is totally relevant
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